


Just a moment

by g_maybe



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 03:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g_maybe/pseuds/g_maybe
Summary: Sadness doesn’t last forever, you know?
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Kudos: 18





	Just a moment

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? That the walls were closing in and you couldn’t do anything else but stand there? That everything you knew in your life was false? That everything you’ve ever seen or touched or felt was never even real?

Sometimes I wish I could go back. Whoever said that ignorance is bliss was so fucking right. Sometimes I just wanna close my eyes and imagine a world where nothing bad ever happens. 

Sometimes I wish I could forget her. Her and all the others that came into my life just to fuck it up and take a piece of my heart as they left.

There was a time when I was so depressed, so sad, so spiteful with my own self that I couldn’t see what was in front of me. 

And then I met her.

Soojin. My Soojin. 

So beautiful and peaceful. So artistic and emotional. So lonely and broken.

I was happy for the first time in forever. With her I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in a pool of immense love, adoration and passion. Drowning in what felt like a lake formed with our everything. 

It was so intense. So liberating.

She told me she loved me two weeks after we met and I laughed at her. I told her that love wasn’t real and even if it was, there was no way she actually loved me. Not yet at least. 

Maybe that’s why it ended how it did.

She made me so happy. I was happy just seeing her face. It didn’t matter whether we talked or not. Just sitting there with her was more than enough for me. She was my light. 

My light that came into my life when there was nothing but darkness and fear. A light not colorful. Not intense. But in my eyes it was.

In my eyes she was my salvation. The one thing that took me out of my orbit and made me feel like nothing else mattered. Nothing else but her. 

Soojin. My Soojin.

Maybe I was just stupid. Stupid and young. I couldn’t understand how much my words affected her. How foolish my actions were. 

We were happy. Maybe not in a way most people considered healthy but we still were. She was so sweet to me and so genuine and I fell for her without realizing it. And when I did... it was too late. I had already lost her.

I was so scared of my own feelings that I kept pushing her away. I told myself over and over again that it isn’t real. Whatever we had wouldn’t last and she’d leave me like everyone else. 

I was right. 

She did leave me but not because of whatever was going on in her fucked up head but because of my own stupidity. I don’t blame her for it. And maybe it was better than I think it is. Because they say the good die young and so did this. 

One day I woke up and decided it was better if i distanced myself. So I stopped replying to her texts and ignored her for days. She was too prideful to say anything. Suddenly it became exhausting even thinking about her, about us. One bad joke and she snapped at me... That’s all it took. I don’t blame her, I really don’t. I recognize that it was my fault. At least I have the decency to do that.

According to her, I was too childish, too immature. I didn’t know what I wanted. And she was right. 

After she left me I thought I would feel lighter, happier even. I was so wrong. I realized I had fallen in love with her. I had fallen in love with her smile, her kindness, the way she would cheer me up when I was down. Every time she called me baby and told me I was hers I was falling for her. With every kiss, every touch, every little thing she did that made question everything I knew up to that moment. 

I did the one thing I said I wouldn’t do. I fell for her.

And suddenly I was drowning again. I was drowning in my greed, my selfishness, my possessiveness. I was drowning in a pool full of spite. Full of darkness. 

When she left she took her light with her and I hated her for it. She made me miserable and pitiful. And for the longest time I had fallen back into my old ways where everything felt the same and time didn’t exist. The worst part was that I couldn’t forget her.

I realize now that the reason for that was the fact that I was in such a bad place before. Crying myself to sleep every night and wishing I never woke up again. She came into my life like a hurricane and made me feel something other than sorrow. So it was only natural that my brain thought I needed her to be happy. I connected her with happiness in my head and that was my first mistake. I was too dependent on her.

Soojin is not a bad person. We were just not right for each other. Maybe if I was older and more mature it would’ve worked. Maybe if she was in a better place. Maybe if she knew how to handle her emotions and communicate we would’ve worked.

Soojin is the closest thing that comes to mind when I think about love. 

Soojin was love.

But she’s in the past. I’m happy now. It took me a while but I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. Sometimes I still think about her and what we could’ve been but... it’s pointless. 

I hope she’s happy at least. And I hope she doesn’t forget about us. 

All it takes is a moment and suddenly you’re free. You come up to the surface and you’re able to breathe again. There’s this moment that defines all of us. And well... 

If you could go back, what would you change?


End file.
